58. Stop splashing around in the shallow end

“I had a song in my head that was terrible and I just couldn’t get rid of it” (actually I didn’t think it was that bad) “and I had the thought that wouldn’t it be tragic if I was hit by a car or something… I mean that would be tragic anyway… but I mean wouldn’t it be privately tragic because only I would know, if that stupid tune became the thing that was playing in my head for the last time. There’d be nothing I could do to change that. And then, even though I’d be the only one to realise it, that dumb song would become the soundtrack for that last scene of my life.”

Every now and then, Benny would surprise me by indulging in something really trivial or puerile. I wish he wouldn’t do that. It seems very much at these times like he’s just paddling about in the shallow end of a swimming pool, like he’s avoiding actually getting some real exercise by his splashing around there and not swimming toward the deeper end. He shouldn’t waste his precious time, frittering it away on frivolities. He knows better.

 

(Don’t be frivolous)
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